The Close of Another Chapter

As I watch the last few hours of 2009 drift by, as I look back on the year closing out, 2009 has proven to be a year full.

Effective tomorrow, I start full time in ministry with a position at EvanTell as Chief Operating Officer. A journey that started two years ago with my retirement now moves off in a new direction. Ministry, not business, but a position that allows me to use 30 years of business skills to come alongside a ministry team and try to help them be better at what they already do quite well.

I have come to terms with the struggle I have had at seminary since I started in 2008. I am not a good student, at least I do not have good, student-like habits. I have been getting decent grades, but have not enjoyed the student-ness (I know that isn't a word but so what?) of being a student. I didn't in the 70's when I got my undergraduate degree; I certainly do not think a 30 year business career helped me hone my student skills. But I can accept that now and face my education with a better frame of mind.

As the year draws to an end, I am facing the fact that my Dad is dying and it is only a short period of time before he is gone. Given his alzheimers, in many ways I lost him some months ago. That is what is the most painful, watching what he has become while waiting until he is no more. A generation comes, a generation goes. All this as my niece is pregnant with the first child of the next generation on my side of the family, although my Dad will not get to be a great-grandfather as we may have hoped. All this as my Mom struggles with a situation in which she is soon to lose the man she has been married to for 61 years. I know I am blessed to have had both my parents for this long, yet the pain is there now. It will not be a good New Year's Eve for me. I will shed some tears tonight that I know.

Yet, 2010 is full of such promise and excitement. The Lord is sovereign, and I seek and struggle to walk alongside Him each day. There is pain in this life; I face it now, I have in the past, and know I will in the future. But I walk towards a future that will be joyous beyond the belief of the present world.

May you all have a blessed 2010.

A Colossians 1:18b Christmas

I just finished the Fall 2009 semester at seminary. Christmas is straight ahead with school in the rear view mirror for a month. A time to reflect on what the season means, a time to reflect on my Lord. And here turns out to be a great place to start:

and He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, so that He Himself will come to have first place in everything.
Colossians 1:18b (NASB)

This is the Bible reference one of my professors for this term, Dwight Pentecost, put with his signature in a couple of his books (Things To Come and The Words and Works of Jesus Christ. Great stuff) I asked him to sign yesterday. Did not get to ask him why, I did not see them until I got home and school is done so it will have to wait. But it means something to him, enough to write it with his signature twice. And the class I took was a study of Hebrews, but no quote out of there (Another great book, Faith That Endures. I love reading him). Something about patient endurance or about let us go on, two phrases he used to summarize Hebrews yesterday. Or maybe this one:

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
Hebrews 13:8 (NASB)

I wrote my notes right in my copy of Faith, I have a bible study of Hebrews all lined out just by following what he taught us this semester. It was an incredible privilege to study it under him.

Getting back to Colossians, I will think about this verse, what it means to me, what it might mean to him. And his meaning will go way deeper than mine. after all, he has been teaching over 50 years, and ministering over 70. With a love of the bible that is awesome to see in a man in his 90's. I hope I remember to ask him next time I see him, which might take a while since I will not be on campus next semester as I am taking an online course.

Jesus is my hope and my assurance, my comfort and my strength. He has become the great constant in my life in a world that is ever-changing and more rapidly so as time goes past. Yes, it is the season of His birth, I need to meditate on it, and I have been pointed in a specific direction by a professor I admire deeply and have come to both respect and love. Thanks, Dr. P!

Let me know what you think of the verse and maybe I will come up with something pithy by the time I have to respond in the comments box.



Technorati Tags: Dwight Pentecost, Hebrews, Colossians, DTS, Dallas Theologicial Seminary, Christmas, seminary

Humility

Humility:

the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc. Synonyms: lowliness, meekness, submissiveness. Antonym: pride.

The above is a dictionary definition of humility. It focuses on self. But here is a definition we discussed last week in seminary in a class that covers angels, man and sin with Dr. Lanier Burns. Humility is God centeredness. Humility is living with God as the focus of your mind. Jesus was humble but bold in His actions. He was submissive to the will of the Father but boldly went about His ministry. You think not, try the following:

And He found in the temple those who were selling oxen and sheep and doves, and the money changers seated at their tables. And He made a scourge of cords, and drove them all out of the temple, with the sheep and the oxen; and He poured out the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables; and to those who were selling the doves He said, "Take these things away; stop making My Father's house a place of business." John 2:14-16 (NASB)

The apostle Paul was humble in Christ but fierce in proclaiming the Gospel. You think not, try the following:

But Jews came from Antioch and Iconium, and having won over the crowds, they stoned Paul and dragged him out of the city, supposing him to be dead. But while the disciples stood around him, he got up and entered the city. The next day he went away with Barnabas to Derbe. Acts 14:19-20 (NASB)

You do not go into a building in the center of town in broad daylight with a whip, you do not get left for dead outside of town and head right back in if you are not focused on God and His purposes. True humility is making the Lord the center of your life. You do not have the strength, the courage, the passion to do so without His presence in the center of your life.

Never Ending

One of my professors at seminary this semester, Dwight Pentecost made a very simple but very powerful statement in class the other day:

The wealth of Scripture is inexhaustible.

It was made in the context of his reviewing a passage in Hebrews and how he now views it, how his thoughts about it have changed, and changed for the better in his opinion. For the purposes of this post, it really doesn't matter what the point he was making is (another story for another day). The point is the power and grace and faithfulness we get from a loving God when we seek Him in awe and obedience. A seminary professor since 1955, 94 years old, and God, through patient and devoted study and reflection, is revealing a little more of His truths on a daily basis. Incredible how loving and patient with us our Lord is.

God will never tire of revealing Himself to His children

How lucky I am to serve such a wonderful God.

Laziness Is Hard Work

I am on a break from school, and just hanging out for the summer, helping out in the various ministries I support in a small, part time sort of way, but mainly, I am just hanging around the house.

I am finding laziness a little exhausting, trying to come up with things not to do.

It is hard work when you have a conscience. Quite exhausting at times.

If I put as much effort into dong something as I am doing into doing nothing, a lot more would get done than is getting done now.

But I am accomplishing a lot of nothing, so I have that working for me this week. I will have a string of luncheon meetings the rest of the week. In my laziness, I seem to have been able to couple several meetings with meals so i get two things done in one time frame.

Some call that efficient. I choose to call it laziness because it is hard work to do something and nothing at the same time.

The upshot is that after a summer of this, I will probably be ready to do some real work, like school again. That will be a good thing.

If I am not too tired that is.

Facing A Giant

In a little while I am going off to take the test I spoke of yesterday.

I am facing a giant today. This is the weakest part of my student life, prepping for exams. That is my giant today, facing a part of my life I do not like to deal with, doing the best I can and getting through. Not much of a giant, taking a test, but it is the one to deal with today. And if I can face a "little giant", I am one step closer to facing the real giants that will cross my path.

I must admit, I do not feel as prepared as I should be. I feel small in the face of this little giant.

One thing is certain; no matter how I do, I will not talk about the results in a future post.

It is time to move on the next task the Lord has for me. Waiting to face the giants in my life with a real giant, my Lord, by my side.

Study

This is going to be a short post today (OK, all of them are pretty short).

I am studying for a final tomorrow, so all my effort needs to be as a focus on that.

As a result I do not have much to say today, other than I will now get into the struggle of studying, the part of being a student again that I like the least of all the school experience.

Let's face it, everyone in this situation does.

Do you think it is sin or pride that drives that? Is it the nagging feeling that you did not put as much in the study of the entire term to allow you to do well in an activity designed to measure your success in mastering the subject at hand?

Reflections

Are things winding down or are they just beginning to heat up?

Today is last day of classes and then I am off for a little over three months. Lots of time to think about my fairly new status as a student and how best to manage it going forward. Lots of time to pour into the ministries I have been supporting this past year. Lots of time to plan a get away with the wife this summer.

What I seem to lack is the imagination to deal with these. I am hoping some down time turns into an uplifting time, to allow me to map out what the Lord would have me do the next three months, the rest of the year and into 2010. (2010? Yikes the 00's are almost over! When did that happen? Seems like yesterday I was planning for the end of the world with Y2K. I must have slept in for a big part of the past decade).

So I will focus on thought, on reflection and most of all on prayer. To determine the next step to take to stay firmly planted in the middle of His designated path for me.

For I know that the Lord is not finished with me yet.

Writer's Block

I am in a valley right now as it relates to writing a paper I need to do for seminary. With some encouragement from a tweep (if you have to ask what that is, forget about it. Not important to the line of thought I am trying to follow). I thought I would try to write about it.

I am not sure, but I think writer's block goes on deep inside me. It isn't just about getting words on paper, it is about reaching deep into my core, starting a thought a stringing together a coherent (or semi-coherent, I will let the professor be the judge) discourse on a topic of interest to me. Of enough interest to me to make it come together is a well researched, well thought out and laid out paper that can pass muster at graduate level studies (when I say it like that it really sounds scary to me).

I almost get the feeling that this is similar to the blog post about nothing I wrote a little while ago.

But it isn't. It is about faith. My faith.

I am confused by this mental block but I know my Lord will break it at the proper time or not. I will either write the paper or not. And the road I walk will be His and I will follow.

Words have been few on The Narrow Road the last few days, but one thing I can always write about.

He is sovereign in this world and the next.

Whatever, it will be all right.

Planning Ahead

Registration opens up for me today for the summer and fall terms for seminary. It just seems kind of soon to be thinking about what I will be taking in August. I know, I do not have to register, but then I have to think about classes filling up and closing out.

So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:34 (NASB)

I guess the registrar at my seminary wasn't focusing on this verse. It is good advice, I will probably just register for some classes I need to take and then forget about it for a bit (but not beyond the payment deadline). Because today's trouble is looking at assignments due this term.

So what do you have going on in your life that you are worrying about too soon? Are you focused on tomorrows, or are you dealing with todays?

Do you feel you are placing enough trust in the Lord in what you choose to focus on? Or are you in fret mode?

What Is Your Focus?

A lesson from earlier in the term keeps popping into my mind. I guess if this class had a test instead of just papers, this is one question I might get right.

Jesus' purpose was to focus attention on His Father, not to focus attention on Himself:

• We will never know more of the Father than we know of the Son
• We will never know more of the Son than we know of the Word
• Study the Word to know the Son to know the Father

So what is your focus. If Jesus did not focus on Himself, how can you make yourself the center of your life? We cannot be perfect as He was, but can we model this behavior on a daily basis?

Imagine how much better off the world would be if we could, all of us, even if just for one instance every day.

Bone Dry

For reasons I do not really understand, it has been a tough term at seminary. I came through my first term OK, but it has been uphill since, and I am not sure why.

It started with the best of intentions, but quickly bogged down. I realized I needed to shed some of the load; I was not learning, I was managing towards a degree. I refuse to let this experience be about anything but an education, although I have to constantly remind myself of that. I needed balance with some mother things I felt called to work on, things I was finding as exciting as I thought seminary was going to be. As exciting as the learning should be. Ministry and education are a powerful team.

Even with that, it has been a struggle. Like quicksand at times. Or getting hit over the head with a hammer on a regular basis. The class load is light by seminary standards, yet still I struggle.

I have a few large projects I need to get started on, but the tank is empty, bone dry. No ideas, no thoughts about ideas. No ideas about thoughts. The mind is a blank.

It is frustrating because I felt called to come here, still do. But it is a desert of the mind I wander through right now. Hope I do not have to spend 40 years here.

I will pray and know the Lord can get me through anything He got me into. And when I nake it through this term, I will know it is all Him, not me. Not by a long shot.

He is sovereign, in His universe and my little world.

The prayer continues. Today is Your day, but so is every other day. Today is for spending some time in corporate praise and worship, private praise and worship, meditation, prayer and reflection.

Lord, I await your timing.

Some Things Never Change/Some Do

Seminary classes were canceled today because of icy conditions. It called to mind similar times in my childhood when the occasional snowstorm canceled school. We didn't get many ice storms in NYC when I was growing up, but we did get a big snow every once and a while.

Sorry to say that my reaction this morning was similar to that I had as a child. Even though I am a grown (and growing more daily), mature (debatable) adult (also debatable) I had the same reaction. Although my attending seminary is growing me in my walk with the Lord, I had the same reaction.

A smile spread across my face as I heard the news--a whole day off from school! No messing around with a late opening when it warms up and the ice melts off, we are the whole nine yards.

Is it sinful nature, or the sheer joy of the inner child fighting his way to the surface to cry out in triumph "No school today!" before being forced back down and out of sight. A brief shining moment I was 8 years old. In this case I think it is just the little boy in me gets a chance to get a little air. It is nice to know that at 52, there is still a pre-teen deep within me.

So what has changed? The inner child was quickly silenced. I am not going out to build a snow fort or a snow man (Texas snowmen tend to be pathetic looking creatures, with twigs and gravel stuck all through them. Sorry, but I speak the truth in love).

So what am I doing? I am working on a paper. And the child inside is crying silently.

I'm Ready For The Road

I'm ready to hit the road again. I am not going anywhere, I am in the beginning weeks of a new semester at school, but I am ready to go. I am enjoying school but there is something to the freedom of the open road that appeals.

That would be me getting back into the car after a stop for a venti cup of coffee at Starbucks, ready to roll again. Even a semi-pointless drive to nowhere particular would be fun. Just me and my bride. (I would even let her be Elwood and drive).

How does this fit into any plans for seminary or ministry? It doesn't. A little down time is good, ask anyone.

Sometimes you just need a wide open two-lane highway and some good blues music to clear out the cobwebs. The road behind you sometimes makes you fitter for the battle ahead.

Back to the next paper and/or reading assignment before I head off to classes tomorrow.

Sigh.

Who Do You Think Of During The Day?

Yesterday morning driving to class I was without my iPod. Somehow it froze up and I have not been able to get it working. As a result I was not listening to The Confessions by Augustine on an audio book. I was humming a tune, a song from my past, running over a few verses in my mind. I mean you cannot hum Augustine; not much of a beat and hard to dance to. I stopped for a cup of coffee at the local Starbucks to begin the journey into DTS.

As I got back in the car, I turned on the radio and on the station that was playing came up the song, the exact song I was humming just a few minutes before. An auspicious start to the day.

The song? Pride and Joy by Stevie Ray Vaughan. Don't ask why, I'm the guy who wakes up with Barry White playing in my head at 3am.

"Yeah I Love my baby, she's long and lean.
You mess with her, you'll see a man get mean."

That was the verse and it came on about 10 seconds after the radio went on. Could not believe it. One of my favorite two liners in rock (OK, blues-rock). I liked this song long before I got to Texas in 2003.

Guess because I always think of my wife and what I would do if someone messed with her. (Not very Christian thoughts, but hey, that is what forgiveness is for. You can mess with Texas before you can mess with my bride.)

Guess it means I was thinking of her 6am in the morning getting heading out for a day of classes. Guess it means I think about her all through the day. I usually send a text message from campus at a point in time I cannot have a conversation. I get a response back, either immediately or when I am sitting in class. Either way is sweet.

Who loves ya, baby.

Thoughts From Seminary-II

Some additional thoughts based on readings, assignments, lectures or comments picked up from my seminary studies:

• Our goal is to be mastered by the Bible, not to master it.
• Saved by Christ, that is the basis. Saved through Christ, that is the means.
• Christ came first to serve not to rule. So in the Upper Room, He took off His outer robe (sign of superior as Rabbi) and took up the towel (sign of subordinate as servant).
• The Psalter is a special Book of the Bible: recite the words as if you were speaking them to God, not someone else.
• Develop a clear sense of your mission so you can say "No" to the good and "Yes" to the best
• Our God is impossible to impress, but easy to please
  

I need soak in these, and soak these in.

If A Doctor From My Childhood Had Been A Seminary Professor

Would you wind up with lessons like this?

Don't you find it very odd,
That some people don't believe in God?
There is no God? How very odd!
Yes it is odd, so very odd,
It is much odder than a cod!
If you don't believe in God,
I hope He spares you of the rod!

Don't you find it strange behavior,
That some would reject our blessed Savior?
What strange behavior,
To Have No Savior!
Have no Savior, Oh what behavior!
To say no to the Lord and Savior,
Why that's as odd as to have no God!

You should seek to have but one desire,
That is to avoid the lake of fire.
Lake of fire! Lake of fire!
Now there is a good and godly desire,
To miss burning in the lake of fire.
Not to seek the ground that is so higher,
Not to seek the joy that you never tire,
Why that's as odd as to have no God!

I could add a verse of two about the contrarianism of different forms of lapsarianism, but I think the good doctor (and most others) would find that odd, so very odd, in fact as odd as a cod-shaped god!

This Is Not The Post I Set Out To Write

Yesterday, I thought about doing a post on working on and substantially completing the first paper I have to turn in for the Spring semester. I worked on it most of the day. Not going to say which paper for what course, you never know who is going to read this.

But suffice to say by the evening I felt like the elephant had eaten me. I am so out of shape scholastically. (Well, I am out of shape physically as well, but this is about school, and there have been enough references to elephants already in the past week). It was not a particularly long paper nor particularly grueling, but I am out of shape. And I was out of shape before the month break between semesters, during which I avoided anything scholastic like the plague. (If I may paraphrase a book I read many years ago, you could take a carrot, put everything school related on the end of the carrot, stick it in your ear, and you would feel nothing but the tip of the carrot. I know, I know, don't ask what book, I do not remember the book nor the author, just that vignette).

I probably need a physical exercise regimen, I definitely need a seminary fitness program. That's the bad news. The good news is I tend to be an old school, brute force, last man standing type of business executive. (My wife sometimes thinks my motto is, "If it doesn't fit, use a bigger hammer") I do not quit easily and I keep on coming at you like a freight train.

I can be derailed, but not without a lot of screeching, sparks and a crushed automobile or two. So I will keep at it, trying to tamp down my pride and focus on His glory. I know that I can derail myself faster with pride than anything else, so I pray on I will focus on my studies as God's will for me and not my own ego. Because if it is ego, I am out of here.

I am keeping a healthy attitude about grades, just working to learn. Anyway, I think if you ask for your GPA in Celsius instead of Fahrenheit, the numbers look better.

So, for those of you in school and especially seminary, waiting for syllabus shock to wear off, take heart, it will. If you are wear you are because you answered the Lord's will, you are going to make it. You may be a bit scorched in the process, maybe a little 1 Corinthians 3:15 in the process.

Go ahead, look it up.

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But you will come out to face another day, another semester and another round of life.

Eating the Elephant

Yesterday was the first day of classes at DTS. Today I am laying out my work for the semester, meshing all the assignments and readings into one calendar so I can plan out what to do and when.

As anyone who goes to or has been to seminary knows, it is a lot of work and reading. It is my Spring 2009 semester elephant.

But as one of my professors said in class yesterday, the best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.

I am starting to chew.

Look What Excites Me

This is a Levenger book bungee I got for Christmas. A book bungee is a wooden slat with an elastic band that serves as a bookmark that would basically require you to lose the book to lose your place in it. I have several. This one has holders for two writing implements. I am using it to hold a highlighter and a pen for my seminary reading. This book is On the Incarnation by Athanasius. Have not started it yet.

This is what excites me these days. Some would say that I am a nerd, or possibly a weenie. I prefer to be called the serious reader. Just ask the folks at Levenger.com.